Why Silence Is Often the Route I Take

So yesterday was not a very good day....Yesterday I felt like I could relate with Meg Ryan a lot from You've Got Mail. That is at least at the part when she has dinner with "Joe" and finally tells him off and then afterwards regrets it deeply. As she reviews the situation, she talks about how she never has the right comebacks when she talks with people and now that she finally did have good comebacks, she felt really awful about it and wished she could take it all back. So yesterday I had a volleyball game and also tray washing duty with my girls. After checking in with a series of people, I thought I had the situation cleared and went to my game, leaving my girls in the care of a kitchen staff. After the game, my girls informed me that the head kitchen lady had gotten really mad at them. In a moment of defensiveness I stopped in the cafe while running up to the cabin to hopefully let the head cook know I was sorry and also to see why she had become so upset about the matter. Upon running into the kitchen, I quickly found the right person and then asked her if my girls had been a problem. She looked pretty upset and I should have at that moment left and came back later. She then expressed that yes it had been an issue and I stated that I thought I had gone up the chain of command correctly and that it was my bad but not the girls so to yell at me next time instead of the my girls. This clearly upset her and she said that she had not yelled at them. With my girls already almost up at the cabin, I knew I didn't have time to argue this out fully so I left without fininishing the conversation. Bad move. Upon getting bad to the cabin, I knew I should not have made my comment about the girls, but it had seemed so perfect at the moment and I knew I hit right where I guess I wanted it to, making her seem like the bad guy in the situation. Well after talking with and apologizing to the girls director and the dishboy who got in trouble, I decided to let things cool before I went back and apologized to the cook. Well no such luck because within five minutes I had to walk by the cafe and was spotted by the cook who rushed outside and stated that she needed to speak with me. Luckily the girls director was right there and came with me, but one glance at the cook informed me that her anger had only escalated. I let her spew first and then started my side of the story, with sorries interspirsed for every aspect of the situation that I felt had annoyed her from not communicating correctly to rushing in and accusing her without first taking a step back to survey the situation. Several times she interrrupted and once again, I opened my big mouth and asked if I could please finish my story, I did it in a polite way, but I could tell it just floored her even more. Finally I felt like I had said sorry as many times as I could and that the conversation was getting no where so I left and felt ten times worse than when I started. I promptly went back to my cabin and cried. The cook obviously was still very angry and I felt that she would probably for the rest of the summer have an awful impression of me and I didn't know what else to do to change it. Part of me was angry as well, I had been the bigger person in the situation, had taken all blame, apologized, etc. I felt like she was upset, because I had been disrespectful in the situation, and she was the adult, but in all reality I felt like I had been working with people older than her and had been a peer all this past year and a half and that frankly I was acting more like the adult in the situation. She didn't have any apologies to offer and didn't seem to have any intention of forgiving me either. I had not left my girls in the cafe purposefully knowing that it was wrong. I had said I was sorry and that it would never happen again, etc. After having a talk with Graves, life looked a little bit better, but I still had a pit in the bottom of my stomach. So last night I wrote another letter to the cook, once again offering my apologies and thanking her for her hard work. After leaving it on her desk, I would like to say that I since then I have felt wonderful about life and have put the whole event behind me, but I haven't. After a lot of prayer, God has given me quite a bit of peace about the matter, but the side of me that always wants everyone to like me, continues to make it impossible for me to be completely satisfied with the situation. So after a hard lesson, I have realized why I often don't stick up for myself, it is because when I do it doesn't seem to end very peacefully. So I continue to pray that God gives me the knowledge of when I actually need to speak out and when silence is better. So there is a little insight into Brittany Gimbel.

In reply to my last post :)

This week I am actually a full-time counselor. Still a lot of new challenges but am getting used to things. After my last blog, I left a lot of people with the impression that I was not happy to be here so wanted to clear that up :). Unfort got my annual summer cold right now, but enjoying getting to know my girls! I have truly had fun getting to know so many new awesome people out here and it is absolutely gorgeous. Love and miss everyone!

Camp MiVoden

Well just was given a hard time for not blogging in a little while so figured I should type a short update life right now. After being out here in Idaho for just a little over a week, I am def glad that I am here at MiVoden and know this is where God wants me to be. Sometimes tends to be a love/hate relationship thing though....

-I love getting to know lots of new people, but sometimes hate always having to be friendly, outgoing, and awkward and wish I had all of the family here :)
-I love the cooler weather, but sometimes just want to hop into the water and actually think "wow, this is refreshing" and not "wow, this is freaking cold."
-I love being the new kid and no one expecting much from you, but sometimes I get frustrated with being at the bottom of the totem poll and not given responsibilities or respect.
-I love the new events, games, and ideas (volleyball and pudding fights!), but sometimes get frustrated that things are so different and although I want to share ideas, no one really seems to want any more suggestions.
-I love the fact that everyone here spends their day off together, but sometimes wish that all of my friends didn't ditch me and sign up for another day off.
-I love the kids here, but sometimes wish I had the old ones back that already knew my name and automatically loved me!

But overall camp is camp, whether in Georgia or Idaho, is an amazing summer job that gives a person such great opportunities to teach kids about the love of Christ. So glad God opened up the door for me to be at camp another summer :)

Well, leaving for camp tomorrow and am extremely excited but am realizing that i will actually be missing my little home in Jellico. Here are ten things that I am really going to miss:

1. My two little sisters, even though they fight constantly and play games on the computer all day.
2. My cat, even though he never lets me pick him up, cuddle with him, or even pet him at times.
3. My house, even though the A.C. is usually on so high that I have to wear slippers and a hoodie.
4. My free time, even though it usually is filled with my endless list of things that I come up with that need to be done around the house.
5. My church family, even thought they always rope me into special musics and always want to know about my love life.
6. My phone service, even though it is sporadic it can help screen calls (but none of yours :)).
7. My unlimited access to NetFlex movies, even though they have made me waste precious time that I should have been using prepping for Peru!
8. My access to all kinds of food to make, even though it requires more work than spaghetti
9. My own room, even though it has made me want to hang onto more junk since I have more room to store it!
10. My parents, even though they spoil me while I am at home. :)

A Day in Jellico

Some of you may be wondering what I have been up to since I returned to my old hometown. Well not much has changed, pretty much the normal daily routine

whether in Collegedale or Jellico.......

This morning I woke up and decided to start my day by swimming laps.

After that I was pretty hungry, so I had a big hearty breakfast.

Next, since it was Friday and all I started on the chores. Unfortunately I got stuck with the bathroom,

And the laundry...

Ready for a break, I headed out to cruise the town in hopes of picking up a hot vespers date.

Not much success, but did go shopping and picked up a great decoration for my room.

While out also grabbed some food for potluck tomorrow.

By the time I got home, I was pretty exhausted so curled up on the couch for a nap.

When I woke up it was pretty late, but I headed next door to chill with my friends for a little while.

Just as it got dark, I made it back home in time to sit back and enjoy the start of the Sabbath.

So nothing new.

Vaccine Shortages

Since I have decided to blog, I have been wondering the last few days, what in the world in am I going to blog about. So little seems to be happening in my life right now as I am at home slowly working at my to-do list. Well, as of lately, I have been a little less excited about Peru as I have been saying some final good-bye's to friends and wondering why I am willingly taking off for a year and leaving all of them behind. This past week I have realized that even "the family" which all loves each other dearly, moves on with life when not together, and sometimes it is a sad thought to me that, although not intentionally, we will slowly move apart and that some things will just become memories. Despite this I still feel like God is calling me to Peru and today I was reassured of that.

As soon as I decided for sure where I was going to go this next year, I began working on all of the details, such as getting my health center check up and necessary immunizations. Getting a appointment at the health center was easy and in one quick visit I had acquired all of the vaccines I needed except one, the Yellow Fever vaccine. I was told by the NP at the office that they did not offer this one and that I would have to get it through the health department. No big deal I thought, I would just call in the next day to set up a appointment.

Well the next day in class when things started to get a little boring, instead of putting my head on my desk and snoozing for a bit, as I often did, I snuck outside to make the phone call. Well after being transferred from one department to another, finally I found myself speaking with the correct women in the overseas travel part of the department. After a few minutes of conversation though, I was notified that there was a yellow fever vaccine shortage and that since the place I was going to was only on the recommendation list for the yellow fever vaccine, I would not be able to get the vaccine til right before I left and to check back in August. So I told her I was actually leaving for camp in June and could I please get it before then. The lady stated that it would okay to get it in June and to make a appointment later. Just to make sure there weren't any quicker options, I checked at both my local and the Knoxville health departments who promptly told me they did not offer that vaccine.

As I walked home that day I was amazed that there really could be a shortage of a vaccine that I hadn't heard of before. Maybe Hep A or Hep B that EVERYONE has to get before they go over-seas, even for a two week mission trip, but a random one like Yellow Fever-go figure! Oh well, in my mind the problem was solved.

That is until today.

Several weeks ago, I had mentioned this occurance to a friend that worked at the Chattanooga health department and he had talked with the people there and they had once again said it would be no problem for me to get the vaccine. So today I decided to call and try to set up a appointment for this next week when I had to go to Collegedale for a public health class. I was going to aim for one on Wednesday because that was officially the last day of the classes. So I dug up the number for the health department and made the call. The lady who answered was nice enough, but sounded like she meant business. I starting explaining my situation to her but before I could even finish, she cut me off and stated that they only had vaccines enough left for those who already had appointments and that I would have to look elsewhere.

At first I was kind of stunned and didn't know what to say. I told her my whole story-that I was told I could get one later, that I needed to get it in June, that I had already looked elsewhere, etc. She was unsympathetic though and stated I should perhaps look into Atlanta's or Nashville's health department. The thought of going an extra eight-hour round trip was not sounding very good to me, keeping in mind that those places might not have any available either. I voiced my concerns and stated that I was going for a whole year, I couldn't just take my chances, that the organization I was going with was stating it was absolutely neccessary, wasn't there any way to get on a waiting list or pay extra? Finally the lady put my on hold when she realized I wasn't
going to give up . A few seconds later she got back on and asked if June 3 would work for me. I quickly grabbed my planner and found June.....no way! June 3 was this next Wednesday, the very day I was going to set up a appointment for. I confirmed the appointment day and time and mumbled some thanks before getting off the phone. Never had I been so excited about getting this $170 shot. Not only did God work it out for me to get the shot, but He even had the perfect day set up for me!

Through this experience I realized that God is definately in charge of my life. I think I also learned that conflict and not backing down is sometimes a good thing, even if I hate them both :) Interesting to see how He challenges me to grow in even the most unlikely situations of life.

Gotta Start Somewhere

well here i am. after years of my parents putting blood, sweat, and tears into trying to instill the importance of not succumbing to peer pressure, i have decided to do so full-heartedly. as much as i have have tried to fight off the blog fad in hopes that it would dissipate like the crocheting one, i have found that the main mode of communication this summer appears to be blogging. after being separated from my friends for less than a week or two, i've decided i miss everyone way too much to continue on as solely a myspacer. just survived another weekend of drawn-out, uninteresting graduation festivities and must drive my grandmother to the airport at five tomorrow am so i am out for the night, but will be back with more insights on my exciting summer in jellico, tn, home of the famous toad and bazard. mileu.